Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
