Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He passed out mid-signature
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
