We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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