I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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