i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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