and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I die, sorry about rent.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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