Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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