i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
