the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
