Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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