You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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