i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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