Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
