I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
