I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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