it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
