im drinking this country out of the recession.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
