i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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