Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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