HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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