I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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