my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
