I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
