My room smells like vodka and shame
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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