You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
