there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
