Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
