it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
