The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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