weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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