Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
