She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
