No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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