RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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