If that was your dad, he is hot
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
