Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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