woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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