we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She even gives head with a lisp.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
