it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
