Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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