So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
