dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
