we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
oh god was she eating orange peels again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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