Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
