he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
