my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
