The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
