...so i touched it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
