I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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