I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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