I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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