So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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