And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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