One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
