Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
