So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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