Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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