I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
