you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
