the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
