Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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