all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
