if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
