how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
