When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
