She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
