How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
