I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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