i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
