Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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