it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
