fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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