I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
