I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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