I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
