i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
