sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
