Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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