sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
