The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
