I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
