Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
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She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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