FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
two words...techno handjob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
