Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
