We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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