***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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