I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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