Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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