Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
